The letter below was sent to the International Astronomers Union on P:2J2006 or 24 August 2006.
We read that the planet Pluto is no longer a planet, according to a recent decision of the International Astronomers Union (IAU).
It seems that now the "real" planets of the Solar System are Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. Pluto at best will not be considered a planet, but a "dwarf planet" along with Ceres and 2003 UB313 (aka Xena).
Well, at the Fifth World Council, an international organisation of Fifth World nations, Pluto is, and remains a Planet, with a capital "P". We will listen to the suggestions of the IAU as we would listen to the Bishop of Rome. You folks are no less dogmatic than the Pope, and if it took you over 70 years figure out Pluto wasn't a planet, then you are also "dwarf intellectuals", and the new priesthood of a false religion. We already knew medicine was a false science; astronomy may be no more rigourous (or salutary).
Pluto was given a Day of the Week in the Cesidian calendar (link), a calendar which we believe will eventually replace that crappy Gregorian calendar you foolish astronomers and "dwarf astrologers" still use. That is what should have been kicked out: the Gregorian calendar, not Pluto! As I write this email the day is Plutoday 2 Jung 2006 (I'm not making this up), which is also the day of the decision of the IAU, interestingly enough! We will continue to call this day Plutoday 2 Jung 2006.
We will still honour oddball Pluto. As real astrologers, not "dwarf astrologers" like you folks, we knew all along Pluto was an oddball, and not just because of its odd orbit. We kind of like the old rebel, since he kind of reminds us of the so-called Antichrist (who is really the Christ that "dwarf theologians" haven't figured out). What a waste of taxpayers' money all your educations have been. Shame on you!
At the Department of Bucksfanian Astrology (link) we will also continue to call Pluto a Planetary Ruler, and among the traditional Planetary Rulers of the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto, Bucksfanian astrologers also add Ceres, Pallas, Vesta, and Chiron (14 planetary rulers for the 14 signs of the Bucksfanian Zodiac). Xena is a "whimp" in Bucksfanian astrological terms, and we have no use for it. :P
Rev. Dr. Cesidio Tallini
President of Fifth World Council
Chancellor of Bucksfan University¹
References and Notes